Starve the Discard: Community Guidelines and Safety Policy

If you are in danger or thinking about hurting yourself, stop reading and get help now. In the US, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the US, find a free, confidential helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. We will also add our own international crisis lines page soon.

The short version#

This is a place to heal from being discarded, learn the patterns, and starve the discard together. Talk about your own story and about behaviors. Never expose or diagnose real people. Be kind. We are a peer community, not therapy.

The founder offers an optional paid coaching program, and you'll see it on the home page and the Join page. Everything in the community stays free, and you never need the program to belong here. It is never pitched to you when you're asking for support.

Who this is for#

Starve the Discard is for anyone who has been discarded, ghosted, or worn down by someone who took without giving back. It is also for people who want to spot the pattern early, before they invest.

You must be 18 or older to join.

We are not a substitute for a therapist, doctor, or lawyer. Everything here is peer support and education.

What's welcome#

• Your own story. Share what happened to you, in your own words, at your own pace.
• Patterns and behaviors. Hot and cold cycles, sudden withdrawal, the supply cycle, the rescue fantasy. Talk about what people do, not who they are.
• The weekly collective action. Join in, post what you stopped giving, and cheer others on. It is a shared gesture, not a debate.
• Asking for support. "I'm struggling today" is always a valid post.
• Encouragement. Tell someone they are not crazy. It helps more than you think.

What gets removed#

1. Harassment and pile-ons. No attacking members, and no rallying people against anyone, here or anywhere else.
2. Identifying real people. We'd rather you leave names out entirely. If you need to refer to someone, use a first name or an initial only. Never post full names, last names, photos, screenshots that show names or faces, social media handles, workplaces, schools, towns, or any detail that could identify a real person. This covers exes, their new partners, and family. We may edit identifying details out of your post.
3. Doxxing. Sharing anyone's private information, like an address, phone number, email, or accounts, means an immediate ban.
4. Diagnosing specific people. "My ex went cold every time I needed him" is welcome. "My ex is a narcissist" may be edited to describe the behavior instead.
5. Clinical or medical advice stated as fact. Share what helped you. Don't tell others what disorder they have, what medication to take, or what treatment to follow.
6. Promoting or coaching discard, manipulation, or revenge. No tactics for hurting, tricking, or punishing anyone, including the person who hurt you.
7. Spam, self-promotion, and promotional links. Members may not post sales pitches, coaching offers, affiliate links, promotional links, or recruiting. Outside links are welcome only when they point to reputable recovery or mental health resources, like crisis lines, established nonprofits, or professional directories.
8. Hate speech. No attacks based on race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability, or similar traits.
9. Sexual content involving minors. Zero tolerance. It is removed, the account is banned, and it is reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and to law enforcement.
10. Threats of violence against anyone. Removed and banned, and we may contact authorities.

If you or someone here is in crisis#

If someone may be in danger, call or text 988 in the US, or call 911. Outside the US, use findahelpline.com. Our moderator will help point you there, but is not a counselor.

What happens with a crisis post: 1. We reply quickly and kindly with 988 and 911 information. 2. We pin or highlight crisis resources in that thread. 3. We may hide graphic self-harm details from public view while keeping the person supported. 4. If someone expresses imminent intent to harm themselves or someone else, we will contact emergency services. 5. No one ever pitches a program, product, or sponsor in a crisis thread.

Our moderator is a peer, not a counselor, and cannot provide counseling, diagnosis, or round-the-clock monitoring.

How reports work#

• Every post and message has a Report button. Use it instead of arguing in the thread.
• Reports are private. The person you report will not see who reported them.
• Every report is reviewed within 24 hours. Crisis reports are handled as fast as possible.
• Appeals: if your post was removed or your account was restricted, email its@starvethediscard.com within 7 days of the action. Right now Nick is the only moderator, so he will take a fresh second look at the decision. Once there are other moderators, a different moderator will review appeals. The appeal decision is final.
• If a post identifies you: email its@starvethediscard.com with a link to the post, and we will review it promptly.

Who moderates#

At launch, Starve the Discard is moderated by the founder, Nick, on his own. If we add moderators later, we will update this page. The code of conduct below applies to Nick now and to anyone who moderates in the future.

Moderator code of conduct#

• Be kind, calm, and fair. Enforce the rules the same way for everyone.
• Never share anything from reports, private messages, or member data outside the moderation team.
• Never diagnose, counsel, or give treatment advice.
• Step back from any case involving someone you know personally.
• Never use moderator access, reports, or private member data to recruit for, sell, or promote anything, including the founder's program.

Our paid program and how we keep it separate#

The founder runs a paid four-week coaching program. Here is how we keep the community safe: - The program is featured up front on the site, including the home page, the Join section, and a pinned welcome post. Every mention says clearly that it is optional and that no one is expected to buy it. - It is never pitched inside crisis or support threads, in replies to someone who is hurting, or in private messages to someone in distress. - Moderation decisions never depend on whether someone is a client. - Client details stay out of the forum.

Not therapy: how we keep that line#

• No one here, including the founder, gives diagnoses or treatment plans.
• The paid program is coaching and education, not therapy, and is labeled that way.
• The program is shown openly on the home page and Join section, framed as optional, but never pitched in support or crisis threads or to anyone in distress. Anyone in crisis is pointed to 988, 911, or a local helpline, never to the program.
• Every page shows: "Educational peer support, not therapy or medical advice. In crisis? Call or text 988."
• Posts that cross into clinical advice get edited or removed, with a kind note explaining why.

How we enforce the rules#

Most issues get a gentle fix. Repeated or serious issues go further. 1. Edit or remove the post, with a note explaining why. 2. Warning, sent privately. 3. 24-hour mute. 4. 7-day mute. 5. Permanent ban.

Immediate permanent ban, no warning: doxxing, sexual content involving minors, threats of violence, coordinated harassment, and spam accounts.

Your privacy#

• Anonymous usernames are welcome and encouraged. You can add an optional display name if you want to.
• Leave out details that could identify you, your ex, or your town.
• Don't share anyone else's private messages, information, or story without their permission.
• Your private journal is private. Only you can see it. Moderators never read it, and it is never used for ads, sponsors, or marketing.
• Your data: we keep your data while your account is active. You can delete your posts and your account at any time, and we delete your data within 30 days after you delete your account.

Changes to these guidelines#

We may update these guidelines as the community grows. When we do, we will post the changes here with the date.